Philadelphia Eagles 2015 Season Preview
Because you’re a discerning group, I’ve assembled a blue-ribbon panel of parochial pundits to prognosticate the prospects for the putative pantywaists of the NFC East, my Philadelphia Eagles.¹ Please...
View ArticleEverybody, Welcome the New Guy
KSK Kommenters is proud to introduce our newest contributor: The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons! SPORTS GUY: Glad to be here, Zach. And a pleasure to meet you after all of these years watching you. I...
View ArticleThe Bandock Saints Are Born
Boston, MA [Connor and Murphy McManus and David Goodella Roggo sit at a round kitchen table in a dimly lit apartment, drinking and smoking, while SportsCenter plays in the background.] Neil Everett:...
View ArticleDFO Open House
/sets up sign outside //takes fresh baked cookies out of oven and puts them on a rack to cool /// puts out punch and pie Oh, Hi there! Didn’t expect you so early. No, please, come in and take a...
View ArticleTrent Green Encounters a Mirror
[Trent Green is singing and dancing alone in his room] Trent: [Singing] Da-nana, naaaa nanana… HEY! Dana-nana… Trent: Oh, hi there handsome. Say, I haven’t seen you around here before. How are you? I’m...
View ArticleMad MaKSK: A Furious DFOde
[Photoshops and writing help from Mike Wallace And Gromit] (A hot summer sun is rising over the wasteland, and while the misery of life after the end remains, something is in the air–today is...
View ArticleGeno Smith Channels Coach Ryan
New York Jets Locker Room – 8/11/15 Geno Smith: Man, what a long day of practice. I sure am glad I was able to get in here before everyone else. I just needed some time to myself. [Geno scans the empty...
View ArticleHotlanta’s Getting Hotter (and harder)
Atlanta, get ready. The Sex Cannon has arrived, and he’s going to ride you all the way. The last time a force like me came inside you, you burned to the ground. This time, I’m going to make you...
View ArticleThere’s Something Rotten in Ashburn
Interior: Redskins Park. A dark shadowy figure lurks behind a desk, but not an ordinary desk. A dark, foreboding, and imposing desk that has been modified to be only 5/8 as large as a normal desk but...
View ArticleBucs Preview with #CaptainWarrenSapp
[Dfo-claimer: This preview should be read at high volumes. Preferably in a residential area. Welcome aboard.] Captain’s Cabin Door Flies Open Warren Sapp: YAARRR Mateys! Welcome to Captain Warren...
View ArticleAndy Reid Arrives Late to Practice
[Kansas City Chiefs Locker Room] Jeremy Maclin: Hey Coach Culley, thanks for feeding us this morning. These catering companies here in KC really know how to put together a great spread. Sure is a lot...
View ArticleAn American Football Fan in Paris
As many DFOers/Kommentists/DFOoses/whatevers know, our own Old School Zero is currently training for a cheese eating/surrendering contest by exploring France from the tip of her Eiffel Tower to the...
View ArticleFrench Jay Cutler Goes On Strike!
/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c’est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As...
View ArticleThe DFO Interview: Scott Hanson
“Honey, where’s my pajama pants with the little helmets on them?” I’m catching up with Scott Hanson at home as he gets ready for another Sunday behind the desk. “Yeah, I wear pajama pants at work. I’m...
View ArticleKirk Cousins Visits A Subway
[WASHINGTON D.C., SUBWAY INTERIOR] Sandwich Architect: Hey man, don’t you think it’s about time we took down that RGIII cardboard cutout we’ve got by the door? He’s not even starting for the Redskins...
View ArticleLocal Beat Reporter Bud Winston’s Special Injury Report
Dateline: September 23rd, 2015 Greetings, loyal Winstonians! Long time readers know that for years, I’ve been telling my learned readership that Week 2 in the NFL is often a singular moment of...
View ArticleElaina Watley Sends a Group Text
Elaina Watley: That cheating bastard! I’ll show him! [Phone Flies Open] Morris Claiborne: Oh, ha ha ha! Very fucking funny!
View ArticleSomewhere outside of Jersey City…
Corn Maze Employee #1: I’m telling you, man, he was in there all night. Corn Maze Employee #2: Doing what, though? #1: Hell if I know. We closed up all the snack bars tight, and none of them looked...
View ArticleMarcus Mariota Takes a Midnight Stroll
[Late at night, Marcus Mariota walks alone through a suburban park just outside of Nashville, Tennessee. He seems to constantly be looking over his shoulder, nervously.]Marcus: Come on… Where is...
View ArticleSomebody’s Gotta Do It
Owners Meeting — NFL HeadquartersOwners of all 32 teams are standing around the room conversing quietly. A palpable tension fills the room as owners wait for Commissioner Roger Goodell to...
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